The June-ing of my Family

It seems like June is the time of year when I wax sentimental about my kids. And this year is no exception for this ole Mama. June 11 was Adam's 27th birthday and I was honored that he wanted to and was able to spend it here at home. I even marked the occasion by calling in sick to work ("mental health day" for the stressed out mental health worker) to spend some extra time with him. For some reason, to have a child that is 27 makes me sound really, really old. I don't feel old, mind you, but it struck me that 27 is way older than 26.

The next event, and the BIG one, was June 24th, Hannah's 22nd birthday. Eli proposed marriage on Torne Mountain in New Jersey, and she accepted. I knew this was coming, but having it official and being able to tell people threw me into a whole new realm. Someone's mother in law. Luckily, I had two great role models, so I hope I will excel at this, too. It's not that I worry one bit about their compatibility, love or the undeniable destiny that brought them together in Macomb, IL. The piece holding back my enthusiasm just the teensiest bit is that they aren't established in jobs or with money. Weddings can be expensive, and I'm uncertain what the plan is. I definitely believe too much emphasis is placed on weddings and not enough on marriages in our society generally, but I know these two have their heads on straight and we'll all make it work.

June 30th Cal turned 21, another milestone for the baby of the family. He was with us for a short vacation in Western New York, and I was able to drive him back to Normal with a few of his buddies from Macomb on his birthday. He wanted to celebrate in his college town and bring together his old and new friends. I figured I better put some food in their stomachs before they hit the bars, so I took Nick, Nick, Matt, and Cal to Panera for an early dinner. I felt rather small amongst these four hulking college boys. When did they stop swimming in their Little League jerseys and turn into men?

And so another June has passed and I am amazed and prouder than ever of these three young men. Before I know it another June will be here and I will have that daughter I always wanted.

June 30, 2014

Last evening at dinner Cal announced, "Well, this is my last night of being a teenager."  He then recalled noting the 'last day of his childhood' when he was 12 years old. This blasted me back to the Arm Meat post I wrote on that momentous day.  See June 30, 2007.  I think he was a little shocked by how fast the years have gone by.

As I've noted several times, Cal is the sentimental one. More apt to remember other's birthdays, look through photo albums, and even create his own scrapbook. He had that "Furr-ever Friends" kitten poster on his wall to a much higher age than I would have expected. He went to Build A Bear on his 11th birthday and still has the Louisville Cardinal outfitted bear in his closet. He is the first to try to plan a family vacation, get enthused about game night, or catch a movie together.  He may look more like Pat, but he sure has a bit of me in him, too.

Parachutes and A Rush of Blood to the Head

Cold Play seemed the perfect companion for the morning of June 21, 2014.  Having seen Eli and Hannah off on their summer adventure to Star Lake Camp, NJ, perused the Farmer's Market, worked out at the Y, it was finally Me Time. Pat and Cal were occupied with baseball and I was finishing a thorough cleaning of the kitchen and basically just putzing around the house. I can't say I felt sad or bad, just melancholy. I don't think I would have cried at the depot if Hannah's mom had not 'lost it' as the train pulled away.

It's been awhile since anyone 'left' home and I had forgotten until it smacked me in the face yesterday, how cranky I get, especially with Eli, when he's about to leave. The first time I noticed it was when he went away to college, and Pat mentioned that his mom had the same reaction. I started a big argument over shoes. It's too stupid to even put in words, but he was just driving me crazy with his stubbornness.  It carried over to this morning right before we left for the train. I know logically he can figure it out himself. And I know I am being irrational, but can't seem to stop it anyway.  I hated seeing that grimace on his face, holding back the nasty words he would have like to say to me.  I appreciate Hannah's honesty when faced with a similar family situation last night, in that she was able to tell her parents to back off in an appropriate way.

I keep thinking, how relieved they must have been to get on that train and leave the parents behind at this moment. Let the adventure begin.

Fly Like an Eagle

Cal has made a few comments that confirm that he is very, very excited to be living in Normal, IL next year and attending a 'big' university.  He was able to excel academically and play baseball at the community college while saving a boatload of money.  And we enjoyed having him living at home.  He has become a very mature, financially responsible young man.

Eli is leaving June 22 for the rest of the summer to be a ropes specialist at a Salvation Army camp in New Jersey. It will be quite an experience, as the kids are from inner city New York.  As Cal flies out of the coop August 16 (it's coming way too fast) I will truly have an empty nest.

I spent some time with Adam yesterday in Springfield. He picked out a bike, gave it a test ride, and I bought it for his 26th birthday. I was pleased he wanted to buy me some Teavana rock sugar and some food from his restaurant.  He didn't say why, but he insisted I go into Little Saigon with him to pick up the food.  The staff were real friendly, and I know Adam spends a lot of time with his Asian friends. He showed me some pictures on his phone taken recently in St. Louis, "since you don't see me in my regular life." How true that is.

They are all three progressing and living out their lives as young adults. It is very encouraging to see the fruits of our labors, so to speak.

SIU Visit

This was originally written in July 2011. I'm not sure if I ever published it here or not. I know I submitted something like this to the family news. It also appears I didn't quite finish it.

When did my little Momma's boy who followed me from room to room and put his arms around my neck and wouldn't let go turn into the 5'11" and growing surly young man who is old enough to go on a college visit?
After driving five hours we arrived in Carbondale and the good people there gave us some sage advice: most of the motels in Carbondale are, how can I say this, temporary crack houses, or places you take your new ‘friend’ for a few hours. I asked a biker guy if he thought the Comfort Inn would have bed bugs and he replied, “Pretty much anywhere in town you’re gonna have a problem with critters.” Oh great. He directed us to where he thought we were going on the East side of town, and turns out the Comfort Inn is only 19 months old, not long enough to get bed bugs, right? I checked just in case, though it was really, really nice and clean.
After dinner at Panera and noticing the maroon polos and SIU license plates, we lucked onto campus by accident. We heard music and saw people flooding towards center of the university with coolers. We got out and walked along, noticing open alcohol all around, amidst the families, students and elder community people. The full moon was out, a band from Chicago was set to take the outdoor stage and we decided to head on over to the new football stadium.
Two guys were hosing off some dirt in front of the stadium and said we could go on in. Later I talked with the night shift worker and he was an honest to goodness good guy. How easy for him to make a good impression of the school and town of Carbondale, as being somewhere I would send my son. The turf stadium with box suites was really nice and we were directed over to the basketball arena across the parking lot. Both beat the pants off what WIU has for athletic facilities.

Faceook Break

Facebook is just too unsettling and much of a time waster. There's nothing there, yet I stare at it like some monumentous information is going to suddenly appear. So that's that.

Double header today. A full week of baseball. 7 games in 6 days. I missed the only two games Boy16 started in. He did well in the field and at the plate, just too many guys in the infield to fit in the line up.

Yesterday Pat and I took a short trip to Springfield to see Boy/Man22. My maternal instincts suddenly kicked in and I needed to put eyes on him. Seems to be doing okay. We had what we thought were inaccurate mapquest directions. Couldn't find the place. Drove around for while and finally saw a gas station. Pat started asking a state policeman who was getting gas where to find Burton Drive. He couldn't explain it, then didn't think the number was right. Said he would check his computer, then just radioed "the city" and got the directions. Tried to explain how to get there with the one ways, then just said, "I'll take ya." First thought, Great! Second thought, should I bring the state police to this place?? Well we flew around some corners and streets and there we were. Turn out, mapquest was right. Pat read .08 miles as .8 miles so we missed a street. We were only a block away originally.

Adam

It warmed my heart yesterday when I talked with a young woman. I told her she looked familiar and she replied, "I used to work at the Old Dairy with Adam." I don't know why that touched me so much. I don't have many people talk to me about Adam and many who know him may not recognize the relationship because we have different last names. I feel like he didn't let me into his life much, didn't want me coming to his events (which I did anyway), didn't bring many friends home.

It looks like Adam will graduate in May from University of Illinois at Springfield and he plans to attend the ceremony. We will go down for that, of course. I would love to eat at his restaurant, Kiku, but he probably won't want to go there when he doesn't have to work.

The boys

Here are two slices of life which are becoming quite rare involving quality time with two teenage boys.

One evening last week Eli announced he was going to Walmart, he was bored and that's about all there is to do. I asked if I could tag along and he agreed and he drove my car. We had a pleasant enough time. When we got home he announced, "I did it. I drove all the way there and back without you criticizing my driving. I tried really hard." I acknowledged that indeed this was an accomplishment. I am not known for being a very supportive/passive passenger. I had to admit to him, though I had noticed a couple of times he rolled through stop signs, but we all do that so I didn't mention it. So then he told Pat, "I drove and mom didn't critize me (out loud anyway)."

Last night Cal asked for study help before finals which he hasn't done in awhile. I agreed to quiz him on, luckily, English short stories. There were about 15 stories with 5-8 questions each. We had such a good time using different accents and making up pnuemonic devices to remember yhe story/author. For example, Flannery O'Connor wrote "The Life You Save May Be Your Own." You can remember that by saying "the life you save may be the Fockers" since FOC are Flannery's initials. E.A. Robinson wrote "Richard Corey" who put a bullet through his head but it could have been his ear hence author's initials EAR. He can remember Alice Walker's "Everyday Use" if thinks about the soft old patchwork quilt with the blue backing that I got for my high school graduation and everyone loves to use everyday because it is so soft. You can remember Willa Cather's "A Wagner Matinee" by pronoucing the W's "Villa's Vagner." This is always the way I've studied Cal when he has a lot of memorization to do. I was pleased that high school students are still studying a lot of classic literature. I stupidly argued with him over the title of Robert Frost's "The Road Not Taken" claiming it was called "The Road Less Traveled" but that belies my psychology background. Thank heaven for the Internet because he had already turned in his textbook and we had to verify the Frost and Scott Peck distinction, and look up the plot summary of "Everyday Use" which my dad had very recently referenced, coincidentally.